Lately, I feel like writing again. It's been quite sometimes since I last wrote something. I wrote one last story in 2017 and I stopped. Probably due to my health issues.
Though I looked physically fine, my health issue was draining my body physically and mentally. It's nothing dangerous though. After I went through a surgery last year, it significantly improved my condition. It didn't totally cure everything though. But at least, I could live better. 🤷♀️
Life is not as interesting lately. I've always been busy. And now, not so suprisingly, I'm still busy. Hahaha. I'd like to blame my younger self for that one. In one of my notes, I wrote that I wanted to have a complicated life. Life was probably too simple for me back then. Haha. And now, there you have it. My life story is a mess. Haha. Now it got tangled everywhere.
My father used to tell me, a person you are now will determine who you are in 10 years. Honestly, what I had today is what I've worked for 10 years ago. So, I kinda reap what I sow.
Now, I could already imagine who I might be after 10 years. I might have a simple life. I might have a life as simple as possible but still benefits as many people as I could. That's what I've always wanted to do - helping people. I want to have the blessings of joy in simple things. I want to enjoy many things in life.
Right now, I stopped doing a lot of things that I've been doing particularly because I don't have any strong support. Mundzir is still in Egypt and honestly, apart from Mundzir, no one understands me enough to hold my hand and walk the journey with me. No one was willing to cry with me.
Some, come and go.
Some, offer kind words to motivate me.
Some, congratulate and admire me.
Some, got fascinated at first, took my hand, then realised it was probably too much for them.
And some, criticise with all they got.
My family has been my greatest supporter so far. I still remember, on my first project, Mom and Along sponsored the whole thing. Sakinah prepared all the food. Addin handled the kids like a pro. Adik was in charge in finding facilitators to run the program. I didn't do everything alone. They suffered with me. Haha.
This journey isn't going to be easy. In fact, the 'simple life' that I sought might hurt me anyway. Life is like that. Nothing is easy. Every single choice that we made, will hurt us one day.
Choose one that you think is worth living.
Choose one that you are willing to stick with till the end.
Choose one that you think is worth fighting for.
So far, the choices I made had hurt me anyway. But this is my choice and I'm gonna stick to this, insyaAllah.
May Allah ease. Amin.
Patiently waiting for the right time,
23 July 2019
