Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Nur Wahidah Kamilah

The first update for this year and it's already the end of semester...

Way to go sya'ak... -_-"

Actually, I hadn't been writing much lately.

Well, maybe a few here and there but not much really.

Tonight, it's really out of sudden. but I think I'm missing my youngest sister.

Nur Wahidah Kamilah...

There's not much that we could talk about when I'm with her cause we just despise repel each other so much... >_<

I think she'll die out of embarrassment if she read this post in the future... lol~

For a starter, we don't have that good relationship ever since from the beginning.

I think I'm not that good in expressing my love towards others.

I'm not that good with words (talking) either whenever I want to express my feelings. I can only write it out. That's why a counselor asked me to write everything I felt if I'm stressed.

My siblings don't really liked me. Even as a child, Sakinah used to hate me so much. Along too...
I'm not sure about the boys (Mundzir and Dudin) but I guess, they too feel annoyed with me.

It's kinda funny whenever I think about it now.

As a child, I wanna be understood. But no one seems to be able to do that.

I guess I was selfish...

Now, I'm in a very good term with Along and Sakinah (minus the sudden mood swings)

But with Wahidah or Adik, it stays like that.

I don't have much memory with Wahidah (as far as I can remember).

The only thing I can remember is that she loved Mundzir and Along so much. I have to admit, sometimes, I did feel jealous.

She'd choose Along or Mundzir over me anytime. (and come to me whenever she wanna buy something)

I am was a short tempered person. It got a lot more better now though...

but still with the 'bossy' nature... lol~

I guess that's why she didn't like me that much.

The others learn to deal with it as we got older but since she's the youngest, I guess her temper is just as bad as mine.

Strange enough, out of all the siblings, she resembles me so much that when I'm staring at her talking, she looked so much like me.

It feels as if I'm looking at myself talking.

Her temper too... It's quite similar to me...

Our relationship is not something that can easily be understood I guess.

But one thing for sure, I know she did love me... even if it's just a tiny bit

I know that there are so many things that she didn't approve me doing...

though she didn't really have the gut to say it in front of my face, I know...

I guess that's her way of loving me...

There's this one time, where I felt really really moved...

When she came back from a trip to Malacca, I asked for a souvenir and she gave me a book. That time I laughed and gave the book back to her, thinking that she was joking.

The title of the book is 'Lembutkanlah Hatimu'

She didn't say anything though and just laugh along. That's why I thought she was joking. Giving the book to tease me or something...

It was not long after that when Sakinah came to my room one night, and gave the book to me while laughing. Adik was not home at that time (at her hostel).

It was then I realized the words written inside the book...

* Buat k.ngah tersayang,
-Semoga dalam hidupmu 
ada cahaya yg sentiasa
menemani dan menerangi
hidup kita yg sentiasa gelap
dan memerlukan cahaya...

syg k.ngah sentiasa,

yg ikhlas,

The book was really intended for me...

We fought all the times, and we will continue to argue...

but that's what make us siblings... :)

It's kinda similar isn't it?

At times I do have this feeling of guilt for not being able to do much for her. 

After Abah's death, I was afraid she wouldn't be able to cope with it...

She's the youngest and she's still in the early stage of finding her own identity.

I do feel sorry that we had to ignore her request (of wanting to leave Imtiaz) but, running away from something she doesn't like is not the best solution.

We learn to deal with things and grow up through the ordeals... We fell and we got up and walk again... That's how life goes on...

and I hope, one day, she'll be able to shine just like the stars...

I know she will.... :)

Gambatte ne!!! <3 br="">