Monday, March 28, 2011

Now, I'll let it go...

What hurts the most?
Being hurt by someone you know?

or
Misunderstood by someone you love?

Though I perfectly know how it hurts, I can't stop myself from letting them become significant in my life... 

yet

again, I failed to protect my own feeling

For now... I'll let it go...

I won't say anything anymore...

No need to apologize

coz it's not your fault.

It's never yours.

It's mine.
For loving you guys with all my heart...

Friday, March 25, 2011



Dorks~





and sooo~
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Before I let it go, I demand all of you to retreat

Feeling tired again and again...

Thinking back, I don't even know how did I get myself into dis mess. Stupid, isn't it???

But, somehow,,, I know one day, in the future, I'll suddenly woke up in the middle of the night thinking about all of these... thinking about the past... of how it used to be... and suddenly smile...

If I don't say it, it feels as if it won't end... It feels as if it'll forever be like this...

But we all know,,, there's no forever... Forever had never even exist in the first place...

The smile
The laughter
The happiness
The satisfaction
The pain
The hidden tears
The damn painful words

If only they knew how painful it is...

Life is like a huge stage; whether you're willing or not, at some point you will have to go onstage with powder and makeup on.

Only, the roles we play are different.

but somehow,,, the powder and the make-up made me feel damn tired.

I'm tired being a clown...

If I were given a chance to let it go, will I let this go?

Maybe yes. Maybe no.

It's all a maybe...
for this is the only thing that tied all of us

and yet it also attached me to them...

Perhaps time is keeping all the answers hidden.

Perhaps...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Angels without wings or Devils with halo???


I'm actually somewhat feel like laughing when putting the title for this post... I feel like writing something today and while strolling through the pictures,,, I found these precious pics...


and so,,, finally, after Mir, NaD and DiB posted the n3 about us on their blogs,,, the next,,, should be me ryte??? huhuhu

Let's start with NaD first. Full name; Nadia Syazwani Iskandar. Nadia Syazwani is her name and Iskandar is her father's. A best friend of mine for almost 7 years already... huhuhu... Starting from Form 1 beside the lake at SHAMS. hahaha.

She got this 'I don't care' personality and appeared to be very arrogant. hahaha... but, she's actually rather nice when you got to know her. She's from Siam or in standard language, Thailand... hak3 (Opppsss...shhh!!! I'm not supposed to reveal dis. Hahaha!)

She likes to eat. and... hurm... what else??? and always got this dream to travel to an island together with us. In the future... lol~

She's the kind that rarely says anything when I do something. Always quietly supporting me though I know sometimes she hates me neglecting my studies because of other things...huhuhu
Actually,,, it's not sometimes, always is a correct term... hahaha

She's the one that taught me how to use Friendster and forums on the internet back then...and also my add math teacher!

I remembered once, during a trip, her lips were swollen due to the air-conditioner. hahaha

Now, she's in UTP doing engineering... (I think so...)

Though I said she looked arrogant, but her heart is quite soft... only for certain things and certain people. Her frowns when she didn't like how something goes,,, strongly attached to my memories. Indeed, she's one of the truest out of the truest friends.


Next, Nur Adibah Yusra Md. Noh. Nur Adibah Yusra is her name and Md. Noh is her father's. A neighbour of mine for more than 15 years and a best friend of mine for almost 7 years. We're from the same primary school and from the same class. But, we're not really close back then. When we went to SHAMS, since it's only the two of us, we got closer. Hahaha. With her, I use 'Saya' instead of 'Aku'. Funny right?

Our family are very close. and she's one of my trusted companions. Instead of a friend, I'd call her a companion since she's always with me every day and sometimes till night. hahaha.

A very picky eater. When we had to live in hostel for 2 days and 1 night, she didn't eat anything except for bread and biscuits. -_-"

She's someone that would show her emotions through actions. But only with the people she's close to. And since she's close to us, she showed a lot of emotions. Lol~

She loves Soya very very very much... and chocolate cake. She's half chinese since her mother is a chinese. We live and die together. Literally... hahaha... Outing together, went to school together, went home together, went to tuition together.... and everything. Since our fathers are close to each other. That should explain ryte? huhuhu...

she's also the one that taught me add math. Since I'm very very very bad in Add Math.

Like to play with babies. and... urmm... what else??? Ah! she's now in UiTM, doing accounting, fast track.
huhuhu...

Looking forward to meet her this upcoming semester holiday... hihihi


Siti Aminah Ibrahim or ctie, she's now in USIM, doing Medic while I'm doing Science... huhuhu

she's a strong girl with a very fragile heart. Very supportive and she's the one who replaced me as the TGC's financial manager when I was on my so-called 1 month 'holiday' in 2008... huhuhu

Now, since we're here in USIM, she'll be the person who frowned when I didn't eat or forgot to eat. hahaha

Compared to Nad and DiB, ctie is more matured in certain things. Only that sometimes, she's bound to get confused with her own mind.

Hmmm..... what else??? MIC president??? Hahaha

Aha! She's the ex-president of taekwando club. I preferred her teaching me math more compared to Nad... hahaha

We knew each other for almost 7 years and I think it's during form 3 that we started to get close to each other. Since we're kinda awkward to each other during form 1 and 2. hahaha.

Sometimes, I felt somehow guilty for not being able to always be with her whenever she's sad. But,,, I believe, she's a strong girl. Therefore, though it hurts, I believe she can overcome it.


Amirah Nabila Azhari... She's very charismatic and I admire her personality. But,,, just like a normal teenager, she get confused with her own feelings easily.

A great friend and a great sister.

She always asked me for a solution to her confused mind,,, but compared to the others, she just had to listen to the same things over and over again. -_-"
So,,, in the end, I am tired telling her what to do...

Compared to ctie, Nad and Dib, Amirah Nabila Azhari came quite late into my life. So, we're initially the F4, then added with her it's F5... huhuhu

She's my partner during TGC era... A very hardworking girl and a strong girl. The most understanding one. hahaha. Since we got the most similar personalities and interests. She's also interested in psychology... huhuhu

Anyway, Mirah,,, I don't have much to write bout you... coz my mind is blank now... ------

^^

and so,,, that's about 5 of my angels without wings... They're all strong but with different personalities and weaknesses. Like I said, we're imperfect alone but together,,, we're perfect!

hihihi...

I'm tired of typing all these... -_-"

Anyway, sometimes I do ask my own self, what have I done to be loved by all these people. I am contented having them in my life and that also of course includes all the people around me. Coz they're the people that I love and love me.

and the fact that they love me made me feel complete...

which is the reason why I'm not really thinking about finding a soulmate... hahaha... just not yet... maybe another 10 years... hahaha

Okay...

soo,,, are they the angels without wings or the devils with halo??? hahaha

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Debate pics...

Finally, I got myself some times to write something bout debate... (I have a quiz at 9.30a.m dis freaking morning!!!)

We lose.
Lol~ at first, we managed to win over FSU B and I felt so happy at that time. Then, it's only us, KKNC team that managed to go to semi final. It's kinda sad.

But, due to that motion, we lose...

WTH! I don't even know who's ana rafali. and I. don't. give. a. d*mn as to who she is.

whatever~

Okay, let's not waste the 'precious' time, shall we?

anyway, it's kinda funny how us, tamhidians get along very very very well with FSU teams.


Let's start with the coaches first... lol~ "University Debaters"

Afifi with Farah's camera... (very focus~)

Dely???
In the motion room...
FSU teams... Team A + B
Us!!! Tamhidians!!! PT. A + PT.B + KKNC
and again... let's pose!
Lol~ KKNC (no gossips please~)
another one... (To be fair to fifi...hahaha)
PT.A (Fatinah, Afiq, Alia and Kim)
PT. B (Farah, Syida, Nasri and Farah K.)
P.O.I please... huhuhu
Dely presenting his speech... fuh!
Pls give way, the whip speaker is here~
Listening to the adjues...
FSU team in motion room...
and now, he's the prime minister... hahaha

What's this?!!! Okay, this is the team for arabic debate... (caya r Ama!!!)





    























Thursday, March 3, 2011

It's this

I don't know what title should I write this time... Hmm... Currently listening to 8eight's 'Without a Heart'... This song~ I can't remember why, but it feels so damn hurt listening to this song...

I did say once, I stored all my feelings in songs...

Tonight, I accidentally fell asleep after maghrib, and as a result,,, I didn't go to the training... T__T

Sorry guys... *buat muka comel*

I miss writing so much... T__T

I think my fellow readers are anxiously waiting for my next updates...

3 stories in line... How can I actually cope with that???Geez~  definitely not with the NC cup + quizzes now... -_-"

1.D.B.Z.J.Generation
2.H.T.L.I.Y
3.L.I.A.A

hahaha... For privacy purpose, I'll just put the abb for the titles... huhuhu

and... actually,,, I almost missed an important date... 28/2 is 尹尹 bb's birthday... huhuhu... Luckily, I managed to join the party at Twitter and Chocolyn before that day end...
and also there's lots of updates from Weibo + new pics released by Eithtoo... <3 <3 <3
Definitely will join the 'Spring Birthday Package' project... ^^

Enough for that... lol~

I figured out many things today... and indeed one of them is about someone who is currently undergoes the same damn things I experienced in the past...

Wait. Why did this song played at this very same time? (Reset by Suju)


I won't comment much on this but I'll just write a little bit, how I actually felt that time...

I don't really remember, but the feeling of emptiness with nothing to hold on... It hurts... It feels as if you're already dead when you're obviously still breathing.

You laugh, but then you'll feel nothing.
You cry, then, that's it.

I did wrote something like a poem. Now, I'd like to declare, it's not a poem, it's actually what I felt...
http://syaaklee.blogspot.com/2009/06/lost-in-space.html

It feels as if you're struggling to come out from a very dark place, but something held you back... Engulfed by the darkness. You'll eventually feel very tired trying to run away...

okay, for now, I can only write this much...*privacy purpose* lol~
I'm not secretive bout my past, but if you want to know this further, you can ask me directly... I just don't feel comfortable writing it.

Actually, I'll give you a very simple solution, out of all complex solutions that I have -_-"... If you want to actually 'come out' from 'that place'...
You can actually find this simple solution in every Surah in the Quran...

One of it is from the verse 30:11 Surah Ar-Rum

اللَّهُ يَبْدَأُ الْخَلْقَ ثُمَّ يُعِيدُهُ ثُمَّ إِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ 
"Allah menciptakan (manusia) dari permulaan, kemudian mengembalikan (menghidupkan)nya kembali; kemudian kepada-Nya-lah kamu dikembalikan"

What I want to highlight here is ثُمَّ إِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

One day, we'll definitely go back to Him... All those feelings,,, it's actually still there, but you failed to feel them coz ur mind is too cloudy to figure out all those things...

Like I said earlier, find your way back to Him...

Of all the people you loved and the people who loved you, one day they'll leave...  but He'll never leave... It's actually you who chose to leave, to forget Him...

Find ur way back...