Smile

10th November 2015.

It's been almost a year since I last post an entry.

So how should I post the entry this time?

bright and cheerful? depressing thoughts? the righteous will? 

Hmmm... Let's just go with 'being me'.

Year 2015 hasn't been that eventful to me. Constant personal struggles, mild depression and confusion... I think that's what define me this year. 

I do wish it would be different though. in every ways..

Now that I started writing, it somehow become depressing for me. Perhaps words had always been the only way for me to relay what I had in mind (which probably something depressing.lol). 

without restriction.. without any limitation..

Now that I am 23. There are a lot of changes in the way I think. in the way I see things.

For example, I used to think that a love between a man and a woman should be kept as pure as possible. It somewhat means that you should marry your first love.  Or you should avoid dating if you're not marrying that girl/guy.

but now... it's different for me. 

I'm still very strict about the 'avoid dating if you're not marrying that girl/guy' part. Especially for my own self. 

But my view on love and marriage is no longer as simple as 'I like you', 'I love you', we should be together and it will be happily ever after..

By any means, love alone is not enough. It comes with the commitment, tolerance, responsibility and a lot more. 

I used to be somewhat judgmental towards those people who dated for years but ended up marrying other people. Now, that's no longer the case.
Because now I know that they just are not meant to be.

The same goes with being judgmental. I used to hate people who judge others. So bad that I ended up chasing my own shadow. 

Because I was too indulged in hating the judging look given by others, I ended up judging others too. 

Eventually, it's nothing. It was just me being haunted by my own shadow. 

Perhaps, it's because of the incidents in 2011. I ended up repelling others. 

But really... People are not that interested in us. At one time, we might be the object that people hate or fond of, but the next moment... it will no longer be the same. 

So, don't be happy or hurt as much because of people. Just Don't. They're not worth it. Others will always unconsciously bring us down no matter how kind they are. It's the thing that all of us as humans do. So if others did something bad to us, let's stay calm. Anger is not worth it.

It's funny how I always told myself that 'I should live like I've got nothing to lose'.

yet honestly... I'm still unable to do that and I don't even know if I ever will.

because no matter how strong we are, we will burn at one point. 

and we will stand again from the remnants of the ash. 

My sister graduated last Saturday. After 7 long years. She finally graduated. It was a happy and touching moment.
Because against all odds.. she finally did it.
7 years are not short. I remember when I read the script for their last choral speaking performance, it saddened me.
I could only imagine how she must have felt.
Memories are precious.

Soon, I too would leave my 5 and a half years in IPG. I don't know how I would take it. It would probably be depressing for me.

 

I should try my best to live and love every moments. Be it tears or smiles, I will try my best to treasure them.

Smile. :-)