Therefore, I feel like I really have to write this particular post so that I'll never forget the beginning. My beginning.
I started this back in 2015. I had my aims, I had a lot that I need to achieve and 4 years ago, at the age of 23, I felt like I haven't done much. I started this mainly because I wanted to 'give back to the community'. Back then, camps were very expensive and it was rarely done in Terengganu. It's still expensive and that's because there are a lot of things that the organizer need to consider but that's another story to tell.
I still remember, the first time I did the camp, there were only 19 participants along with 5 facilitators.
I had planned and handled everything alone.
I could still remember the pain, I could still remember how hard it was.
I could still remember how I cried trying to figure out everything.
I could still remember the gastric attack that I got as I planned the whole thing.
I endured the pain and it didn't get better even after I went to the clinic. On the 9th day, I couldn't handle the pain anymore and we had to go to the emergency that night.
I still remember the nagging voice inside my head, telling me to just give up.
Honestly, having to deal with everything alone was so painful that giving up would seem like the best option.
Because giving up seems like a very easy option.
Because giving up means that I won't have to deal with everything anymore.
Because giving up means that the pain will stop.
But there's a very small voice inside my heart, a small light that flickers weakly, telling me not to give up.
That's probably why in the past, I sometimes resent my father for raising me as a leader.
For raising me to be so strong and independent.
My father, a leader that he was, raised me as a leader.
I used to resent him for leaving me alone to figure out everything.
I used to resent him for leaving all his hopes and wishes behind for me to carry along.
The burden sometimes felt unbearable but I couldn't just let it go.
Well, that'll be another story to tell. 😊
Back to the original story, the first camp that I did was the English Camp 2015. With 19 participants, the first time was really awkward for me. That was my first time handling the activities from 8.00 a.m until 5.00 p.m.
Since then, each time we had a camp, the number doubled until we reached our maximum capacity, 90 participants.
We have really come a long way.
As I write this, there were many many people and many things that I should be grateful for.
My father, the one who ignites the spark since I was young.
My mother, my very first sponsor. The funny thing is, she used to tell me to stop everything and just give up but still support me with everything she got in terms of money, connections with people even providing food for everyone.
I guess she just didn't want to see me in pain. At the end of each project, she'll always be the first person to welcome me home and congratulate me.
My eldest sister, Along, for being my 2nd sponsor.
My youngest sister, Wahidah, for helping me find the facilitators during my early days.
My 3rd sister, Sakinah, for helping me to manage the food.
My younger brother and my partner in crime, Mundzir. Nowadays he's the one that manage the whole thing. When I first started, he was already in Egypt to further his studies. And I remember, it took me a lot of arguments, a lot of discussions, a lot of time trying to make him understand the whole thing. It was a hard work trying to have the same trains of thoughts.
We still argue nowadays.
But since I don't have much energy to argue anymore, I've resorted to just give in.
After stating my opinions I'll just let him do whatever he wants and when the times come, I would be there to smile and close my eyes while saying 'I told you so...' 😌
My younger brother Addin, for his support in arranging everything and trying to help whenever he can.
My friends, who supported me.
My biggest fans, my students, my first 19 participants. Believe me, there were some who had joined all the camps that I did since 2015 until 2019.
The parents who trusted me.
My facilitators and those who had helped me along the way.
Alhamdulillah. I am truly blessed. I am.
Nursyakirah, never ever forget the beginning.
No comments:
Post a Comment