Keep going

At the age of 24, I begged 'Time, can you please slow down?"

At the age of 27, I learned to accept things just as it is.

It's been around plus minus 10 years since I start blogging. I made a promise to myself once to blog more but I guess I couldn't. Many of those entries remained as a draft.

After 10 years, I don't think anyone is going to read this anymore.
I used to crave for people's attention, people's acceptance really bad that I hurt myself along the way.

I thought, after years, I no longer really care about those anymore.
But, truth is, I still care.
At times, when it hit me, it'll hit me really bad.
I'm just good at controlling my response better. I'm just getting better at arguing with the demons.

I started my weight loss journey a month ago. So far, I've lost 6 kg. I'm planning to lose 60 kg from my original weight.

Honestly, what I'm doing today will change me many months or perhaps years later. I'll change physically and most importantly, I'll change mentally.

I knew this choice would break me again and again. It’ll stripped all my trust and left me vulnerable. So in order to protect myself I’ll build another wall yet again. I'll wear another piece of mask again. I don't know how but I know, I'll break free again. I wish I could.

I wish people around me could understand. But I don't think they could. Honestly, I couldn't even bring myself to write, let alone speak about it.

But just know that in order for me to do this, it took me a great deal of courage.

I know it's gonna be painful.
I know it's gonna be so lonely.
I know it's gonna hurt.

But even then, keep going Nursyakirah.
Keep going!