To the future me

My dear,

Today your demon is small enough.
You are okay. You are fine.
You.are.enough.

Yesterday it was hell.
The demon got so big it trampled you over and over again. It found a small crack and immediately took the chance to strike.
You cried. You looked into the mirror and felt disgusted.
Again, you hated yourself.
Again, you got hurt.

My dear,

It will happen again. The demon will get way too big again.

It might get bigger than anything you had ever seen before.
Which is why I'm writing this.

When you are in pain, stop and take a deep breath.
I know it hurts. I know you really really want this to end.
You want to end this pain.
In fact, you're tempted to run away.
Stop.

Whatever that you do at the moment, stop.
Stop thinking.
Stop.
Take a deep breath.
Take out your notebook.
Take out your pen.
Write.

Write everything that pains you.
Write the things that made you grief.
Write all the hatred that you have.
Then stop and read them.
Read them again and again.

Then, ask yourself.
Is this really how you feel?
Is this really what you want?
Is this really worth it?

How do you really feel?
What do you really want?

Take a deep breath.
You are okay.
You don't need to be more.
You are enough.
It's okay.

Smile and start your journey again.

😊💪

To my dearest sister

Do you remember when we were young, you taught me how to ride a bike. I didn't know how to stop so you ran around the block just to make sure I won't fall.

At 18, you faced your first failure. I was so sad when I saw how sad you were. But in my eyes, you were still the best.

Later, you further your study in medic. It was difficult for you but you pulled through. I followed your path because yours was all I could ever see back then. You were always there for me.

Honestly, your presence was one of the biggest reason why I could fight my depression.

Winter came to us when Abah passed away. It was a difficult time for us but despite your study, you always found your way home. You don't know how much it meant to me back then.

I remember, you were so stingy back then. You wouldn't share anything with us until one day, you changed. You gave everything that you could. Even when you have so little to begin with.

The day I received a call about you from the hospital, I cried nonstop as I texted you. I cried so much that my throat hurts. I hated myself for letting you dwell in your pain for so long. For the first time ever I felt so helpless.

But we managed to pull through right? 😊

Those hard time had passed.

I'm pretty sure there'll be another in our future but It'll pass.

We'll be okay.

It's your birthday today and I'm glad that you're my sister. You don't know how much your existence means to me.

I love you so much. I hope you know. ❤