I thought I already posted up 'Moving On' here before. But, I just realized, I posted it up on my other blog and in Chocolyn... Hehe
Anyway, I decided to post it here. Please comment on my writing...^^
Now, that I thought about it, it's actually not my first story. But rather the very first story in english that I published here...
Just to warn you guys, it's definitely a sad story...
Moving On
Inspired fully by Zhang Li Yin’s song, Moving On a.k.a Sunny day, Rainy day
“I’m sorry…” with those words, he walked away from me leaving me alone. Why? Why did he do this to me? Unconsciously, my body already slumped onto the ground as my knees weakened. Tears flowed uncontrollably. Is this the feeling? Is this the feeling of a broken heart? If that’s so, then Lord, please kill me for I can’t stand this feeling anymore. It’s unbearable. My chest tightened. I don’t care if people said I’m crazy since to me, life is worthless. I’m already broken…
I came out from the bathroom after the long shower. I’m so tired today considering that we had to work overtime to meet the deadline. My left hand reached for the mug while my other hand took the spoon. I made my favorite coffee with mind full of thoughts. Well, mostly about work. The smell of the coffee filled my nose as I poured in hot water. After finished making the coffee, I went to sit on the couch in front of the big window. The night view here is very beautiful which was the reason why I bought this condominium. Sipping the coffee, memories flowed back into my mind.
Some people said that five years are quite long. But to me, it felt just like yesterday I went home crying and crying again until my brother came and asked me what happened. Our parents died in an accident when I was 2 years old so my brother brought me to country side and took care of me. I barely remembered them. I just grew up only with the irrevocable love given by my brother and the pictures of our parents. I fell asleep after hours of crying. As far as I remember, after that day, we moved to U.S and I finished my studies and graduated there. Finally, I came back to work here as my brother assigned me to take over the company’s branch here. As for him, he had to stay in U.S to manage the company. I think he felt that I’m already big enough to live by myself.
My lips curved to form small smile thinking about how protective he is when it comes to things involving me. My gaze suddenly diverted to the painting situated on the wall beside the window. It was the first thing that caught my eyes after I went back to our old house. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t throw it even though it reminded me so much about him – the one that broke my heart. As if on cue, rain suddenly started to fall. Through the window, I could clearly see the rain. I just couldn’t deny the little shattering pain that slowly burning in my heart. Yes, it’s hurt but I’m already too used to it. That’s why I said five years wasn’t long – it’s just not long enough for me to forget him…
I was on my way to meet a client at a café when I spotted a very familiar figure stood in front of my car. When I saw her, my feet immediately froze. Sensing my presence, she turned around and smiled at me. With all my might, I smiled back while trying to hide my mixed feelings. I can’t let my guard down in front of her. I just can’t. It was then I realized that she was no longer wearing the diamond ring that he gave her 5 years ago. Instead, she wore a very simple ring which suddenly reminds me of something happened 5 years ago.
Flashback…
“I think she will like this one,” I pointed a simple yet elegant ring to grab my brother’s attention. He turned his gaze to the ring pointed by me and smiled.
“I’ll take this one!” He said excitedly.
“Can we talk for a while?” her voice suddenly brings me back to the reality. I looked at her for awhile before nodding my head. I called my one of the manager to replace me meeting the client. We then proceed to the restaurant near my office. It’s a high class restaurant and there’s only two couples eating there that time. It’s surely a perfect place for us to have a serious talk. I ordered cappuccino and she ordered latte, my brother’s favorite drink. After the young waitress gone, she took out a black box and a letter.
“I’m sorry for everything happened 5 years ago,” she narrated. I sensed a trace of regrets formed in her eyes.
“I think you should read this first before I explain everything to you…” She handed the letter and the box to me. My hands slightly trembled as I opened the letter.
My dear princess,
I hope you’re doing very well now. I know you will because you’re a very strong girl. If you’re reading this, it means I didn’t make it. But, don’t cry because you’ll hurt me. I’m watching you from up here… I’m sorry for breaking your heart because I don’t want you to see me dying. Don’t get angry at my ‘girlfriend’, she just trying to help me and she’s in love with your brother!
I loved you and will always love you…
With love,
Your Prince
I noticed tears flowed down wetting the letter. My heart shattered again into pieces. You jerk! Why did I ever fall in love with you?!!! How could you abandon me just because you’re dying!
“He got a brain tumor. The moment he was being told by the doctor that his chance of surviving was less than 10%, he asked me to become his fake ‘girlfriend’. I finally agreed when he begged me. He loved you so much that he didn’t want you to see him die because he knew you also loved him as much as he did. He thought if he broke up with you, you’ll move on and find another guy. Your brother went to find him the day he broke up with you. I saw your brother punched him but he didn’t hit back nor ran away. Luckily I was there and I was the one who explained it to him. He begged your brother to bring you away as you might hear people talking about his death. After he died, I went to U.S to find your brother and give these to you. But, when he told me about your condition, I know, it’s not the right time to give these to you. After you came back here, we discussed about it and he finally agreed that we can’t keep this secret from you anymore. I’m sorry…” She looked in my eyes and I could see tears threatened to fall from her eyes.
“This is the ring that he wanted to give you as your birthday present…” she continued. I opened the box. It’s a diamond ring with the word ‘princess’ carved on it. “Tell me where his grave…is” I tried to speak calmly almost whispering even if I already couldn’t hold the tears.
I put the yellow acacia on his grave. The diamond ring shone brightly on my right hand. I smiled.
“How are you? See… I’m smiling now. Remember you used to give the yellow acacia before we started to date. Let me tell you a secret… Actually, I already know the meaning of yellow acacia. But, I just wanted to torture you a little bit by acting dumb…” I chuckled when I remembered the days before he confessed to me. My vision suddenly blurred as tears formed in my eyes.
“I wish I would never do that and we would probably spend more time together…” I whispered.
My brother had moved here since he’ll get married by the end of this month. He already moved the company centre here as he planned to settle down here. I quitted my job the day after he came back. I knew, he was worried about me but I assured him I would be just fine because I’m no longer the little girl who always clung onto him before. I joined the volunteer team to help children around the world.
As for my memories with him, I decided to keep it deep in my heart. Some of my friends said that I still couldn’t let him go. I didn’t deny it. He’s my first love and probably my last love because even if I want to let go and walk forward alone, I know, I’ll never be alone for his memories still live inside my heart forever…
The sound of the rain outside the window echoes throughout the empty room
In my dreams I pray tomorrow will be a sunny day
The last kiss goodbye; how can I not yearn for you
I'll regard it as a keepsake, a memento of your farewell
Memories keep me company throughout the long lonely nights
Sunlight quietly streams into my room
Why do I feel this little shattering pain
Slowly burning into my heart; I miss your face
Standing at the boundary between a sunny and rainy day
Should I smile or should I cry
Just let myself fall apart
Standing at the boundary between a sunny and rainy day
I want to let go and walk forward alone
But I discover I haven't gone far at all
My thoughts spread, my steps refuse to go forward
Retreating to once again welcome that dilemma
Why can't I reach the side of the sunny day
My expression is already exhausted, but I still don't regret
Standing at the boundary between a sunny and rainy day
Should I smile or should I cry
Just let myself fall apart
Standing at the boundary between a sunny and rainy day
I want to let go and walk forward alone
But I discover I haven't gone far at all
Standing at the boundary between a sunny and rainy day
Should I smile or should I cry
Just let myself fall apart
Standing at the boundary between a sunny and rainy day
I want to let go and walk forward alone
But I realize I can't stop these tears
Date finished: 15 March 2010, 06.25p.m
p/s : To those who don't know about this, yellow acacia means secret love
Standing at the boundary between a sunny and rainy day means like the person doesn't know what to do and where to go... That's why this song also named as 'Moving On' as the person actually couldn't let go the past and open up to the future. Basically, it's what you feel when you broke up.
Thanks for reading...^^
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