Thanks for Everything... =)

Today, while waiting for Mary (who's still sleeping -_-") to go the campus, I decided to post up something I wrote 2 days ago...

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I have to admit, I am badly affected by this. Maybe because it came when I was really unprepared.

It indeed hurts more when you’re unprepared. That moment you smiled and next, the smile vanished from your face. Not leaving even a single trace.

“Lemparkan dulu mslh tu ke tepi buat masa ni, struggle untuk final dulu nursyakirah.lupakan mereka yg tak menghargai awk,hargai diri awk sendiri, kerana dirimu begitu bermakna.=)”

Sender : mir

                +6014517****

Received :20:43:30

                    12-04-2011

She’s right. I have to appreciate my own self. Ignore them all.

But, somehow, it’s still suffocating remembering all those glances. All those hatred shown through their eyes. 

How can I see them? Because I look into people’s eyes with my heart. You may smile, you may lie. But your eyes showed them all. Your emotions, your hatred. Everything. It is shown through the eyes. Though I can’t read it all, but I can read most of them.

I admit, I can’t be alone nowadays. I’m afraid to be alone. Coz it reminds me to all those hatred. To all those fake smiles. 

How much does it take for you not to judge me?

How much do you actually know me?

Just how many of my pasts do you know for you to judge me?

My love, my anger, my tears, my broken heart, how much of these that you know for you to judge me?

Ironic isn’t it? I told myself to never cry because of a man.

Yet, I forgot one thing. Just this one thing. I forgot to tell myself to never cry because of friends who forgot to appreciate me. 

I’m really unpredictable huh?

Well, this is what happens when I am depressed. The moment I smile and the next I may cry.

I’m thankful to God though.

Coz this time, I hadn’t had the thought of making my hand bleed just like the last time or sitting in the dark alone praying for HIM to ‘take’ me back.

For I know because HE love me that HE want me to not forgetting HIM.
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and the day after that, I guess HE 'heard' my prayer...

I already decided this time... 

Hopefully it's the best choice...

and I know they'll support me no matter what I choose... =)