saya penat dan bosan... dan juga lapar

Tiba-tiba hari ini tidak terdetik dihati ingin menulis dalam bahasa inggeris. Sebab saya malas... Walaupun,,, sejujurnya.... menulis dalam bahasa melayu lebih memenatkan bagi saya kerana saya sudah kekurangan apa yang disebut dalam bahasa inggeris sebagai 'vocabulary'.

Saya mahu pulang kerana saya sudah bosan berseorangan disini. Nilam court.

Saya penat sebab saya tidur pukul 2.30 pagi semalam. Apa yang saya buat? huhuhu...

Perkara biasa... Tengok video, movie dan sebagainya... paling tak pun, termenung dihadapan komputer...

Sekarang, saya lapar. Walaupun saya pandai masak,,, tapi dekat sini tiada bahan untuk dimasak. Jadi selepas 2 hari berturut - turut memerah idea, membuat suatu keajaiban dengan memasak sesuatu yang sedap dengan menggunakan bahan-bahan yang ada, saya sudah kekeringan idea.

Esok baru abah datang untuk mengeluarkan saya dari sini... T__T

Malam ini,,, berseoranganlah saya dalam rumah itu... Sejujurnya saya tidak takut bersendirian tetapi saya lebih takut kepada memori - memori yang ada didalam rumah itu.

Memori kami semua bergelak ketawa bersama - sama.

Itu lebih menakutkan...

dengan itu saya tujukan lagu ini kepada mereka...




p/s: I'm using 'mereka' here... Feel free to include urself in that 'mereka'... huhu...

Doughnut's Haven (^o^)

 So, for the first time I'm posting up the pics of Doughnuts that I made on 19/04/2011 right after finishing my final paper, Biology II... huhuhu~

Actually it's Hajar and Syafiqah a.k.a Saidatul's birthday (which I actually forgot... >__< I'm soo bad~)... and since we don't have much money to buy cake,,, so, I can only make doughnuts...

After around 1 hour I managed to make approximately 60 doughnuts... This time, the doughnuts are rather soft compared to the one that I made last Saturday...

and like I said, since we don't have money,,, we made a doughnut cake instead... lol~

Initially, I did these alone,,, until Dibah came and help followed by the others... That's why you can see some disoriented doughnuts... lol~

 

and so,,, that's how I finished my evening making doughnuts... ^^

seeing them eating the food I made, make me feel somewhat happy... hahaha (God! I sound like a mother!)

p/s: To those who already tasted my cooking (which includes all TST 8 students and my housemates and some others) please kindly write a testimony so that I can easily get married in the future... lol~

Though I did already have someone in mind... ^^

How about him??? *wiggle eyebrows* ^^

Hahaha! Just kidding! ^^

I see many disappointed faces just now, huh? hahahaha~

Thanks for Everything... =)

Today, while waiting for Mary (who's still sleeping -_-") to go the campus, I decided to post up something I wrote 2 days ago...

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I have to admit, I am badly affected by this. Maybe because it came when I was really unprepared.

It indeed hurts more when you’re unprepared. That moment you smiled and next, the smile vanished from your face. Not leaving even a single trace.

“Lemparkan dulu mslh tu ke tepi buat masa ni, struggle untuk final dulu nursyakirah.lupakan mereka yg tak menghargai awk,hargai diri awk sendiri, kerana dirimu begitu bermakna.=)”

Sender : mir

                +6014517****

Received :20:43:30

                    12-04-2011

She’s right. I have to appreciate my own self. Ignore them all.

But, somehow, it’s still suffocating remembering all those glances. All those hatred shown through their eyes. 

How can I see them? Because I look into people’s eyes with my heart. You may smile, you may lie. But your eyes showed them all. Your emotions, your hatred. Everything. It is shown through the eyes. Though I can’t read it all, but I can read most of them.

I admit, I can’t be alone nowadays. I’m afraid to be alone. Coz it reminds me to all those hatred. To all those fake smiles. 

How much does it take for you not to judge me?

How much do you actually know me?

Just how many of my pasts do you know for you to judge me?

My love, my anger, my tears, my broken heart, how much of these that you know for you to judge me?

Ironic isn’t it? I told myself to never cry because of a man.

Yet, I forgot one thing. Just this one thing. I forgot to tell myself to never cry because of friends who forgot to appreciate me. 

I’m really unpredictable huh?

Well, this is what happens when I am depressed. The moment I smile and the next I may cry.

I’m thankful to God though.

Coz this time, I hadn’t had the thought of making my hand bleed just like the last time or sitting in the dark alone praying for HIM to ‘take’ me back.

For I know because HE love me that HE want me to not forgetting HIM.
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and the day after that, I guess HE 'heard' my prayer...

I already decided this time... 

Hopefully it's the best choice...

and I know they'll support me no matter what I choose... =)

Ignore...

because I am frustrated today, I'm posting an entry...

ridiculous isn't it??? Yeah... I know...

Arrggghhh!!!! I came down here with a determined heart to set my future and when I opened that particular website... -_-"

it's not there??? WTH?!!! Arrgghhh!!! Geez~

````````````````````````````````````>>> Random rant...

I used to like Lee Donghae... but that was before he filmed the MV with Zhang Li Yin.

after that MV released, I was like... x__X

Actually, I'm cool about this but not till I saw some of his 'so-called fans' comments>>>

"WTF?!!! THAT SLUT BETTER GET OFF MY DONGHAE OPPA NOW!!!"

I read that comment and many others and that's it!

Lee Donghae, I hate you.

I know it's not fair to hate him for these immature comments.

hate is a harsh word... hmm... let's just say,,, in suju, I don't really favour him...

I favour Hangeng or Siwon more though... Not because of their looks... but because of her...

huhuhuhu... I'm going!
p/s: before someone kill me for posting this 'random rant' hahaha

baru sedar

credits to Mir for the title... lol~

Finally, that sense knocked back into my head...

lol~ and that silly girl made me smile again today...

I wish my only and beloved Along will do well in her exam!!! :)
p/s: Hopefully my whispers would be brought to you by the wind... Along, saranghae!!! :)))

can't believe it! Now, it's the study week and the final exam is almost here!!!! Arrgghhh!!! I'm feeling pressured now...

huhuhu... really??? Hehehe

Don't know~

Mom called last night saying that she kept thinking of me... TT___TT

I'm missing home~ coz it's the only place that where I can be as strong as I can and show how weak I am... The only place where they'd protect me from the most painful words thrown by others...

These days, I kept thinking and thinking...

Thinking of Along used take care of me when I got that very painful headache.

Thinking of how Mundzir used to take care of me when I cannot walk.
Thinking of how Sakinah always cook for me though she said the opposite.
Thinking of how Dudin used to make me feel protected when we go out together.
Thinking of how Wahidah used to get angry when I asked her to do some work.
Thinking how they used to protest when I gave them the order to do the house chores.

Thinking back,,, my little brothers and lil sisters had already grown...

In the future, will I get the same love they've given to me from others???

I don't think so...

If I were given a chance, whether to go through this one year again or not??? if it's two months ago, I would never hesitate to say YES. but, now, it's a definite NO.

coz the pain I've been through is not worth it. Somehow,,, it's not.

Teacher's right, sometimes, it'll start happily, but the ending is ..........

Let's forget all of these. Let's forget all the pain. Let's smile again.

: )

Life after today

I started to write this on 6th March 2011... but, my mind got stuck... and tonight,,, I suddenly got ideas to continue this...

I won't call this a story coz it's not really qualified to be one. One-shot or drabble??? hmmm.... I don't know what to call this...

Okay, I'll call this a one-shot then since it is written in 1st person point of view...

So,,, enjoy!

Sorry for if my entries nowadays are a little bit gloomy... I'm having a hard time facing all these heartbreaks...

Maybe I am wrong after all... I thought girls would understand girls more since they're girls, that's why I favour and love girls more than boys,,, but in the end,,, >_< (no comment!)

Maybe it's because I easily love people around me... and due to that, I easily get hurt...

Conclusion : Don't love...

Life after today

It felt just like yesterday we were saying goodbye to each other and smiled as I watched you disappearing from my sight. Your smile, just like any other smile you gave to me. That reassuring kind. The smile that always made me smiles whenever I frown. It can make me laugh even. Somehow, I could still feel your presence beside me. It gave me a calming effect. The kind you’d get when you drink a chrysanthemum tea. Also, the very same kind you’d get when you inhaled the sweet scent of lavender. 

Life after today… Can it be any harder?

                Remember when I used to frown if you made me wait for a long time? You will try to talk to me even if I ignored you. With the same chuckle and the same laughter that even I myself couldn’t stay mad at you. You’d smile when I laughed feeling relieved as you know that you had already forgiven. I’m asking myself now, can I really smile after today? Can I?

Life after today… Can it be any harder?

                This place. Walking here, it feels as if I’m picking up the pieces of memories. Just like puzzle. Matching one by one with the other pieces. In the past and the present, nothing changed.  All these memories. They’re still the same. Only that the other owner of this pieces of memories is no longer here. You’re no longer here.

Life after today… Can it really be any harder?

In fact, it wasn’t the first time we separate. Yet I know this will be the last. Your smile, your laugh, your tears, your words, everything about you… I’ll remember it. I will. How can I not? You’re the only one. The only you in this world yet the He love you more. So, in the end, I’ll give in for we all know that we’re His. One day, I will also follow your path. 

As for now, I want you to know that I really love you…

Life after today, though it might going to be harder, I’ll be strong… For you…

Monday, April 04, 2011

Let's stay strong

They say if you live with endless pain, in the end, you won't feel the pain anymore...

but, it's a lie

a pure lie, indeed...

  

Dandelion... to me, is a symbol of strength

the symbol of unrequited love

the owner of the unbreakable strength

 the significant of freedom

yet

it's very fragile

  - aiLee-                             

This time, let's stay strong and ignore all the omnipresent stench...